Tim Mcllrath singt? Swing Life Away? Jupp Heynckes ist so locker, dass man es ihm gar nicht anmerkt. In der Sat. Vorher kommen sie aber nochmal bei Stefan vorbei! Die Wok-WM hat inzwischen schon Geschichte geschrieben. Wok WM fachsimpeln. Erfahrungen bei diversen TV total-Events hat er ja schon gesammelt. Zumindest seit sich Christian Wulff den Ehrensold gesichert hat, ist die Bilanz vollkommen verzogen.
Ziemlich ungezogen ist dagegen Thomas Gottschalk, der aus dem Wetterfrosch einfach mal eine Unke macht. Mit "Himmel auf" haben sie auch die gleichnamige Single direkt einmal ausgekoppelt und Stefan einen Ausschnitt aus ihrem aktuellen Video mitgebracht! Ein Mann, der sich zur Barbie hat operieren lassen und ein Doktor, der gerne am Silikon grabscht, das passt doch gut zusammen. Noch nicht schockiert? Weitere Infos zum magischen Weltmeister gibt es unter www. Heute ist? Ein bisschen krass muss sein? Es ist Weltfrauentag! Wisst ihr schon, was ihr am Wochenende auf keinen Fall im Fernsehen sehen wollt?
Mit Stefan wird Bilanz gezogen. Ganz vorne mit dabei ist eine Schalke-Hochzeit! Aber gerade im Wintersport sollte man es nicht zu wild treiben! Auf dem Leipziger Arbeitsamt wird Klopapier geklaut! Diese beiden sind ein unschlagbares Team! Die Natur wusste sich schon immer selbst zu helfen! Elton, unser Showpraktikant, kommt wieder zu TV total, um sich einer hehren Aufgabe zu widmen: Moderator beim ultimativen Quiz Blamieren oder Kassieren zu sein! Es gibt eine Pille gegen Rassismus - quasi das Viagra des Ostens.
Man, bei so einem Krach kann man aber auch wirklich ausflippen! Sein Ziehvater Dr. Bei Germanys Next Topmodel wird gekreischt, geheult, geschminkt und geflucht! Der Clou: Die 5 spielen alle zeitgleich auf einer einzigen Gitarre. Er freut sich auch, jedenfalls vermuten wir das. Die Denn der Kandidat Alexander zeigte beeindruckende Ausdauer und bemerkenswertes Geschick. Dabei bleibt sie ganz reinlich! Nur ein einziges Spiel wurde bereits aufgezeichnet. Bei TV total geben sie einen kleinen Vorgeschmack auf die Show! Die Harfe ist eines der schwersten Instrumente schlechthin, aber Xavier de Maistre aus Frankreich beherrscht diese Kunst wie kaum ein anderer!
Bei Stefan berichtet der gut deutsch-sprechende Musiker, wie man zu so einem Instrument kommt.
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Der Papst hat nicht nur in der Kirche den Hut auf sondern auch in seinem schicken Papamobil. Am Ende des Buches steht vor allem eine Erkenntnis: Kein Fettnapf ist klein genug, um daneben zu treten! Die Polizei kommt seiner Rolle als Freund und Helfer immer gerne nach und sieht alles ganz entspannt. Seit Januar moderiert und gestaltet Pierre M. Korinna hat auf dem lila Teppich beim Echo ordentlich rumgewirbelt und alle interviewt, die sie vor ihr Mikrofon bekommen hat.
Am Samstag, den Wie immer geht es um einige Euro bar auf die Kralle. Unglaublich aber wahr! Titanic kommt erneut ins Kino! Diesmal allerdings in 3D. Stefan hat exklusiv die ersten Ausschnitte der Dreharbeiten auf Lager. Doch wer es schafft sich das ganze Gemotze bis zum Ende anzugucken, ist danach garantiert informiert.
Die junge Schauspielerin spielt ab dem Zu sehen gibt's das Ganze dann im Ersten. Zum ersten Mal tritt er dabei zusammen mit seiner Freundin Carmen bei uns auf. Damit bei euch auch ja keine Langeweile in den Osterferien aufkommt, haben wir ein paar Hinweise zusammengestellt, die tolle Ferien garantieren! Der Papst wird 85 Jahre alt! Aber die Zeit geht ja an keinem vorbei: Stefan Effenberg ist Opa geworden. Und auch Udo Lindenberg muss sechs Mal zuschlagen, bevor die Flasche zerschmettert! Schon bald kann man ihn live auf Tour erleben! Wir wissen es doch alle: Mit Strom soll man nicht spielen!
Ihr habt euch im Winter mal wieder auf eine eventuelle Hungersnot vorbereitet und jetzt macht ihr Tine Wittler und Rainer Calmund Konkurrenz? Ein Song, der Sommer und gute Laune vermittelt! Slash wurde bei Guns N? Roses zum bekanntesten Gitarristen der Welt. Mit Stefan singen will er aber auf Teufel komm raus nicht! Tamme Hanken ist Pferde-Chiropraktiker und geht dabei nicht immer zimperlich mit den Tieren oder eben Elton um.
Die Show in der Show: Elton stellt wieder knifflige Fragen. Wer schafft es die richtige Antwort als erster zu nennen? Stefan Raab oder Kandidat Matthias aus dem Publikum? Ein Kompliment hier oder da, schadet sicher nicht. Emanzipierte Frauen braucht das Land! Es ist entschieden: Borussia Dortmund ist Deutscher Meister! Poker Show gemeinsam mit Stefan und Elton! Wenn der Peter mit dem Mike Peter Kraus hat Film- und Musikgeschichte geschrieben und ist noch lange nicht fertig! Komischerweise gibt es sie trotzdem und sie werden frenetisch gefeiert.
Wir wollen gegensteuern! Sie hat ein paar Kostproben mitgebracht. Steffen Henssler ist der neue Star der deutschen Kochszene. Steffen bereitet heute Stefan eine besondere Sushi-Variation zu. Uslar ist eine kleine Stadt in Niedersachsen. Ihre Bewohner beschweren sich einhellig, dass in der Stadt zu wenig los ist.
Stefan Raab geht diesem Vorurteil auf den Grund. Dieses Abenteuer hat er jetzt in einem Buch und einem neuen Song verarbeitet! Also den Stars aus American Pie Reunion scheint es zu schmecken! Wer dort kandidierte und wieso sehr ihr hier! Jetzt ist er bald im Kino zu sehen! Er ist bekannt bei Jung und Alt, und das nicht nur weil er bereits seit 20 Jahren Moderator bei Sat1 ist.
Seit 19 Jahren rocken die Donots durch Deutschland. Ob Hundebesitzer oder nicht, zu diesem Thema hat jeder eine Meinung! Die Vorfreude reicht ins Unermessliche: Am Samstag, den So kennt man die Muskelpakete noch nicht! Schwarzer Rauch steigt auf! Er hat am Samstag um 2 Millionen Euro gespielt - und verloren. Jetzt sind Erdkunde-Kenntnisse gefragt! Den Giovanni Sprizz hat er auch dabei. Chiara Ohoven hat es ebenfalls geschafft? Ansonsten gibt es Neues aus dem Musikantenstadl und meckernde Fernsehzuschauer!
Wer schafft es den Meister in diesem Spiel zu besiegen? Ob da bei unseren Rentnern Neid aufkommt? Mal sehen, was er kurz vor den Landtagswahlen in NRW zu sagen hat. Schunkeln und Jodeln - da geht das Herz der Volksmusik-Fans auf! Gemeinsam mit seiner Band Disko No. Baxter hat der Hamburger seine Stadt zum Brennen gebracht. Mal geklickt. Es ist wieder soweit: Unser Super-Elton zieht sein rotes Jackett an und fliegt ins Studio, um mit uns Blamieren oder Kassieren zu spielen! Zum Beispiel Bier trinken oder noch mehr Bier trinken.
Vater werden ist nicht schwer, Vater sein dagegen schwer. Noch keinen Plan vom Wochenende? Da kommt garantiert keine Langeweile auf! Vater werden ist nicht schwer, Vater sein dagegen sehr. Sie ist Deutschlands bekannteste Meeresbiologin und hat zahlreiche Expeditionen in die Tiefsee gemacht. Der hat seine Erlebnisse nun in einem Buch festgehalten. Man muss zugeben, dass der feine Herr Moderator den Kandidaten ein wenig durcheinander gebracht hat.
Elton hat wieder jede Menge Fragen unter seinem roten Sakko ins Studio geschmuggelt. Wer wird aber mehr richtige Antworten parat haben: Stefan oder der Kandidat? Das hat man jetzt herausgefunden. Was sagt Ingrid eigentlich zu den Themen der Woche? Wir haben knallhart nachgefragt. Aber was haben die putzigen Reptilien damit zu tun? Ob sie uns verraten, wie es mit Pia und Leon weitergeht? Wir haben ihn begleitet! Derzeit sind sie bis zum Sommer noch auf verschiedenen Festivals zu sehen.
Bei einer Niederlage geht es den Klamotten des Kandidaten an den Kragen. Findet auch Miroslav Klose, um danach erstmal ein paar Entschuldigungs-Floskeln rauszuhauen. Was will man mehr? Mit einer fantastischen Leistung hat Roman Deutschland nicht nur stolz wie Bolle gemacht, sondern auch noch einen achten Platz mitgenommen.
I guess having something useful or substantial to give info on is the most important factor. Really trustworthy blog. Please keep updating with great posts like this one. I have booked marked your site and am about to email it to a few friends of mine that I know would enjoy reading.. If Texas is a community property state, then yes, I believe your father-in-law would be responsible for the debt. I definitely recommend consulting with a local attorney, preferably one who specializes in estate law.
This kind of situation is definitely outside the scope of the intent of Yahoo Answers. Note that buses with average ridership still outperform cars and trucks in terms of energy use. The land use study was performed for the American Public Transit Association. Hey, I just hopped over to your webpage via StumbleUpon.
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Maybe I just haven't been looking hard enough lol. I do agree with Dita that makeup has the power to transform. Have spent the afternoon avoiding sporty things by watching David Attenborough specials for his 50 years in broadcasting a few years old now on BBC Knowledge — afternoon well spent! Pembelanjaan minimal brp? Wow gaaf effect. Ook leuk. Sue,Great listing. It covers my own faves. Blogging, podcasting, photos, wiki,and feedreaders. I would add that eMail, although at times cumbersome, is still an old standard favorite.
In this case, Siri on the BMW voice command key is as close to an immediate sure-thing as might be possible. I need a specialist in this space to solve my problem. Maybe that is you! Looking ahead to look you. Se han realizado varias veces llamadas telefonicas para consultas. Je vous salue bien bas! Pof, un point pour vous Pitou! Hi Heather, glad this was helpful.
About linking new into your new page, you will have to do that manually. This process only creates the page, not the content. Hope that helps…good luck! Ik ga vrijdag bij lauren kijken of haar kindle me bevalt. Maar ik wil sowieso papieren boeken dus die koop ik dan ook nog ooit als ik geld heb, faal! Bom, meus sentimentos pela sua perda Harada.
Bom, vlws pelas infos. I live in Aus and found your stuff while I was searching for craft ideas, I find you so inspiring, I've started making my own canvases with felt decorations…. Does your current weblog have a very contact web site? Either means, fantastic site and I anticipate seeing that expand with time.
Congratulations Tanya. Love the energy! I notice a forward movement in my chest. There are better examples of opponents of fascism than Erwin Rommel. For instance, men who fought to actually destroy fascism, rather than expand its power. January 1, Glad to hear it went alright for you. I am going to be having a baby with a tica here in the Dominical area and wondered myself just how the system here was because not only that but I am also a hardcore diabetic.
Being from Canada originally I am use to a premium healthcare system. Pura Vida y feliz ano nuevo! La grabadora no tengo ni idea, es la que me colocaron cuando compre el pc, flasheda si esta tengo metido 2. I love the whole shebang! But, the best part for me are those framed letters! I love that you cut 'em out by hand. I don't have a specialized cutting tool, so I kick it old school. Thanks for reading and commenting. We certainly know how to drink in Wisconsin, and Milwaukee has a culture of tiny corner taverns in residential neighborhoods where the only food they serve is blind robbins and pickled eggs.
Some neighborhood corners have three bars out of four corners. Magnificent goods from you, man. I have bear in mind your stuff prior to and you are just extremely fantastic. I actually like what you have bought right here, really like what you are stating and the way in which through which you assert it. You make it entertaining and you still care for to keep it sensible. I can not wait to read far more from you. That is really a great web site. Thanks for aaaall the feedback.
We really appreciate it. But thanks to everyone for sharing their vote. If you want the full audio program, , with samples on that page. I love that game. I played it many nights growing up. I know more than I should have of. Great to see that it made this top ten list. Thanks much.
Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. Kerri I am currently using the bobbi brown tinted moisturiser and it has great coverage and i love it. Ducati, maybe. Thanks for sharing superb informations. Your web-site is so cool. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject.
Bookmarked this website page, will come back for extra articles. You, my pal, ROCK! What a perfect site. Fico feliz que tenha gostado do artigo. Thank you all for choosing my card for 1 of your top three, can't wait to get my digi's,great challenge this week and beautiful makes by the team hugs shaz xx. Great article to honor dr Martin. If there were five ankhs, you would be given all of them. I had the honour to meet with dr.
Martin with 3 of his female students and dr. Jacob Carruthers. It was in London, celebrating, year, of the Pan Afrikan organisation there. I believe it was Makes me feel even more warm and fuzzy about the whole experience. So weird. But anyway — glad I hopped this far and read your post!
Welcome back, Nathan! You hit that point hard and explained it well. One hundred-fifty-eight queries plus your other work—how much time do you think you spend on the average with each query? When your only contribution is to dispute syntax over an incorrect reading of what I have written, it becomes rather difficult to see where you are being positive.
Ou tbm vc pode pensar em um jantar pelo Senna. I have thought things through thouroughly, in their shoes, in my shoes, in the interest of humanity at large nothing justify a LIE cos somewhere the innocents will pay dearly for that I must not compromise what is true. Actually, drinking lots of water will actually make you GAIN weight.
Just eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, and try not to drink water during meals. In fact, it actually helps you lose weight if you drink lots of water after you eat meals to help digest. Que paradoxo. October 23, at pmSince agreing for some time for just a proper read in reckons to this kind of ecological niche. Attempting in Bing I now spotted this site. Looking at this information So i am pleased to bring that I have a very full impression I faltered onto whatever I was ready for.
Mike Savage is one of the few voices left in Amreica that will give you the truth. This is why the scumbags in are goverment and there masters like la raza , the race, want him shut down. They know the first thing you take out before an attack is your ability to enemies communicate. This way he resistants can be crushed piece meal. Keep your powder dry troop. The paulylammaPeace thru supior fire power! DR, you nailed it. I liked your example from the Phoenix area.
It reminded me of when I interned in Boise with an Idaho Falls senator who was absolutely hilarious to watch. Like communism. A actually great submit by you my friend. We have bookmarked this page and will appear back following several days to examine for any new posts that you simply make. There were two versions of this gun theM28 and the M Both weapons could be mounted on a tripod or carried by a Jeep, truck or APC. But many other types of nuclear artillery were produced. Thanks for the wise critique. We obtained a good ebook on that matter from our local library as well as most books where not as influensive as your information.
This made awfully glad! Maureen has pretty hair, but she is wrong. They are more like Fucanglong when you really get right down to it and dig into the inner working of the entire thing. Yes, Fucanglong definitely! Wah wah menarik, dalam, dan seru euy postinganya. Fitnah tidak akan jadi apa-apa kalau direspon secara tepat, kenyataan adalah kebenaran sesunguhnya. Semmoista tarjoaa minun reittihakuuni. He is both of those things, Red. As a leader, he makes a good market trader. The decisions he has made or allowed since have made our country demonstrably worse, economically weaker and racially divided.
He makes calls based on who he thinks he will need as allies to remain in power in , not caring what may happen afterwards. I'm not sure what you mean? I think it was the opposite of your response, and that's the wonderful complexity isn't it? No one way to proceed, no one way to respond. Ma le loro illustrazioni in questi due casi sembrano ammiccamenti completamente fagocitati dai testi eccellenti. Che cavolo, persino gli editoriali di Sofi sono accompagnati da immagini bellissime!
But there is also a disadvantage of immigration reform like Greater poverty, more educational cost, lower unskilled wage levels, and increased danger of terrorism. Thanks to the post! Well, the article is in reality the greatest on this worthw hile topic. I harmonise with your conclusions and also definitely will thirstily look forward to your approaching updates. Simply just saying thanks will certainly not simply just be enough, for the excellent lucidity in your writing.
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Coimbatore has got number of sight seeing places around it. Loved the third picture! I do think part of it is nature — their little personalities inherent from birth. They do get good stuff from daycare. Errata corrige: volevo dire nei partiti maggiori, anche di opposizione; i capilista dei partiti "di seconda fascia" IdV, LN ecc. By the way, with all this "comment rating" stuff, I completely forgot to mention that I do like the other changes. As a starting YouTuber, I like the Video Toolbox and the utilities to make finding related videos are very handy.
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Disney movies are the best cure for that. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My website looks weird when browsing from my apple iphone. If you have any suggestions, please share. Enfim acabou vencendo e fomos todos favorecidos. I enjoy you due to the fact of all in the work on this blog. Kate takes pleasure in doing investigations and it can be obvious why. My partner and i know all relating to the compelling ways you create worthwhile suggestions and tricks through your web site and as well as boost response from persons on this article while our favorite simple princess is definitely studying quite a bit of points.
Take pleasure in the remaining portion from the year. You have been doing a dazzling job. This is such a great post. I was giving up exercise too for my writing. It actually started to affect my writing. Now I alternate my early mornings between running or walking and writing. A morning walk is great exercise and a wonderful way to start the day. Good luck! Thanks for the comment.
One day perhaps people will be able to focus on their strengths instead of having to do it all. Je ne comprend pas une chose. How does someone older than 25 act like this? You should continue your writing. Sobald eben eines der Kinder gross genug ist. Bei mir dauert das allerdings wirklich noch ein Weilchen. Alberto Branquinho. Just realized favorited videos is a lot! I just had a lot of junk favorited. These updates are great. Keep up good work! The Friend Management system sounds like a great idea. Hey Ottie,Thanks! I think it definitely has its good points in originality and appeal to the younger writers and young-at-heart writers.
Oh, goodie! Une des jumelles a pu passer une nuit pourrie. We are offering non-candy treats this year as well for those kids who can't have it. I saw the idea on my gastroparesis support group- they even have a sign you can print and put on your mailbox so kids know they can get a safe treat at your house! Ich kanns garnicht glauben das ihr mit der Couch in den Nachtbus gekommen seid. Oder habt ihr euch da nur vorgesetzt? God girl. God bless america. Shoot meemail by using a face pic and you will then gladly get great number. I are x fit sports build.
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I'm not pleased with the ad thing, but if it's to keep youtube free, then you have my props. Nicht originell aber unglaublich lieb! Great post, however, several failures in your life in one and same area make one wonder how to respond to it.. An:Just niin! Lettupannun henna:Joo yksi tuttu juuri laittoi vuohenjuustoa ja omenaa! Toimi mainiosti! The pictures came out perfect Nayeli looks like an angel. I love the lighting and poses! I would like to point out my passion for your kind-heartedness in support of those individuals that actually need assistance with in this subject matter.
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Is that the word? Dreams did die with Gabe and Serenity. Now I am almost to the point that I can hope to dream again. New dreams. But dreams of my life that start at the point we are at today. Nem sempre trabalhar mais significa produzir mais. Please make them longer!!! I would love to see the plot develop into many books with pages each- what fun would that be? Stoicism vs. The Victorians were not obnoxiously therapeutic in the modern sense, but they were very emotional and their florid tone of their letters both by men and women can sometimes make shocking reading.
The line "Better to have loved and lost than never love at all" was written by a straight man about a straight male friendship. In the twentieth century a more stoic style came in. Ele mora em juazeiro. Eu precisaria de passagens ida e volta para juazeiro do norte ida dia 08 e volta dia 14 de julho. Not running modern games on high detail settings is a bad point also. Chris Dodd is a fucking disgrace to my state and should be kicked out of office. I am sick of his stupid white ass. Also, no one cleans up Washington because they all answer to the same lobbyists! Terri wrote:I take your blog seriously Scott because you Know what you are talking about and it really seems to work only if you are that serious about moving on and getting your heart back.
Thanks Scott. I know this process works because I see it happen in our forum. I watch people change their destinies on a daily basis. Stay Strong! Even So I like your website. I may need to install a normal web browser just to enjoy it. Would you mind if I quote a couple of your blog posts as long as I provide credit and sources returning to your webpage:. Be sure to let me know if this is acceptable with you. Mar01 I so love that you meetionnd this museum! I am reminded why I need to make a return trip, so thank you for that. It appears to me that your opinions are actually not completely rationalized and in simple fact you are yourself not even wholly confident of the assertion.
In any case I did enjoy reading through it. How do you explain, for example, the fact that anti-Americanists tend to be the most secular and sophisticated people in their societies? That is awesome. Sometimes, I really miss the performance… even though I know that it is just that.
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Prions pour eux, et battons nous. Lynne, loving all your projects. Sometimes just changing and organizing things makes me feel better. This looks to be a hard year for many! Sending you and Mr P. On the off chance that you are not a trollChic Fil A Big wigs1. Give money to groups that fight-abroad-for things like legislation that makes being gay a crime punishable by death. Does not give money to Chic Fil A2. Asks others not to feed the boys Chic Fil AHow anyone can confuse these as the same thing is beyond me.
Thanks for some other informative blog. Where else may just I get that kind of information written in such an ideal approach? Some random info just cause.. I use to such the candy cane with the straight end first until it was sharp and pointy haha. What weird habits we get right? However, a friend of mine did a much shorter one to start with to get her feet wet. That was probably a better way to go. Start small and work from there. I dove in head first. But I do have to make a. Hola, Leex.
Lovely post Betsy. I love that, too. And it really works! Nydelig og inspirerende blogg du har. Ha en fin kveld!
It also depends a lot on the size of the chicken breast. A smaller, free range chicken will take less time. Mike,This is a good article.. But, I believe you were able to use standard tools to open and pour for us! Parece ser cierto que algun suceso se prevee para este finde semana 19 y 20 Marzo Luna llena. Solo espero que nos sirva de aprendizaje y no desemboque en mas violencia o miedos seamos inteligentes. Animo a todos y un gran abrazo. Yes…and that's why we love coming to see what you have been up to and then rummaging through the bin!!!
Super little bag and I just love that twine loop What a fantastic project with your class and hopefully those young minds will continue to think and act in that more thoughtful, conservative manner. I see so much waste on a daily basis in my business and try my best to educate others and lessen my own amounts of trash. Keep up the great work bro!! I have to drop one of them too again, no one trades. Since most of the Ministerial Departments play golf and enjoy the 19th hole activities, this proposal from Dennis is going no where. Suspect Dennis has been living outside the country to long and has picked up the concept that Governments are actually voted into power by the people to do something good for the majority.
What a silly notion that is. All for one and one for all is the catch cry here and be thankful.
Wikipedia:Auskunft/Archiv//Woche 25 – Wikipedia
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I see the authors of this paper found Michael's paper was itself flawed, although he was at least prepared to question Gould's findings. Michael J. She is passionate about helping women to see why their cycle is so important for their mood, their sleep, their bones and their overall health whether or not they want children of their own. Now what? She shares with us her incredible journey from growing up as an anxious kid who developed OCD, later an eating disorder, exercise addiction, and, finally, severe alcoholism from which it took her a long time to fully recover.
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Welcome home. Welcome to the Life. Let me take you on a different journey. As I recover from excess dieting, disordered eating, from exercise addiction, and — generally — an awful body image, I want to share what I learn, share my struggles and, most of all, I want to bring you the very best experts and the most inspiring guests who share their insights on Health At Every Size HAES , read: How to approach real health and get to that place where we can live a life free of food fears, body shame and obsessive dieting.
We will learn how to break that vicious diet-binge cycle, how to make piece with our body and how to stop diet-mentality rule us. In this very first episode, I will share with you:. What struck me, though, was just how many times this one question was asked:. Weeeeell… t hat work is still under construction; there are so many layers to the story that I could fill a book with them.
Also, I guess you brought that upon yourself. My father. The man who left when I was not even born yet. I hated him for leaving me with an unpredictable, alcoholic mother who was living a highly destructive double life; every day, until the early afternoon, she was the highly intelligent, beautiful and well-dressed personal assistant…and after that, at home, she turned into the other one.
I hated him for turning a blind eye on everything that was going on, and for not even listening when I asked him to please, PLEASE, let me live with him. So, instead, I idealized him. The beautiful hands he had. The awesome massive silver-turquoise ring he wore. The way he dressed in that lax-but-totally-fly style. His elegant handwriting. The smell of his aftershave Chanel Antaeus. Sometimes, I got very lucky. Ever so rarely, when it suited him, he let me sleep over at his place on a Saturday.
Dream-come-true moments! I remember sitting in his living room, in front of this antique, wooden sideboard with his huge headphones on, listening through his awesome records collection. I must have spent days with John Lee Hooker, Eric Clapton and the Dire Straits in my kiddo-ears, playing with the curly cord of the headphones, smelling his vanilla-scented tobacco and dreaming of living like this.
Ketchup, peanut butter, Coke, Nutella!! All he was committed to was his own pleasure-seeking, the pursuit of beautiful skinny women, going out, traveling, and generally having as few responsibilities as possible… Clearly, it was too much of an inconvenience to get his daughter out of hell. And as any kid would have, I made it about me. Well, he stopped being so cool to me when I lived with him for 2 years after my mother died. I was an inconvenience. I got to know the king of one-upping other people, the king of shaming people who had a different opinion, a lesser education, other values.
What I especially hated was the way he drove his girlfriends to tears with his disrespect and unpredictability. He was out of the country a lot, so I was on my own for long stretches of time. You know, career choice, first boyfriend, what to wear to work, dealing with emotions… Of course, I moved out the first chance I got. And for the next 20 years, I oscillated between hateful dreams of revenge and a humiliating hustle for his approval. What I knew for sure was that what had to be avoided at all cost was to appear needy in any way.
Asking for advice, support or—heaven forbid! So I played the independent, low-maintenance daughter. At one point, I convinced myself that my mother must have been right when she used to call me ugly and fat. So in order to live up his standard, I did what I already knew how to do. When I lost a bunch of weight and started to become known as a national radio host, he suddenly showed interest, and started boasting to his friends about me… He made me his big success story and only called to gather the latest info and to promise to keep in touch or support me.
No matter how much I dieted, exercised, hustled or denied myself, he kept being unavailable. Something in me went very cold and very hard over the years and I started applying cold-war-mode whenever he was nasty. I got myself to where I am today, so fuck you for making it all about your great fathering! Only… that never seemed to happen and, soon enough, he would turn mean, snappy or hostile again, and back I went into cold-war-mode… Rinse and repeat. I was addicted to the conviction that I was the one who was in the right , addicted to the fantasy that I would bring him to his knees wailing with remorse , and I was addicted to the idea that I would, one day, dance on his grave.
And even more embarrassing: I was still afraid of his rejection and I was never able to be authentic around him. Deep down, I was still a sucker for his approval, and since I lacked self-respect and a sense of worthiness, I was kinda stuck in victim-mentality. I stubbornly held on to my belief that he was the one who had to make the first move towards real change. Fast forward. Today, I love this cantankerous guy. And he is still exactly the same. What has changed, is my attitude.
And today I know why it took me so damn long to forgive him: I tried to think my way to forgiveness. I read about forgiveness. Not happening. It was a very heady matter, and it was a lot of black and white thinking and very little real feeling. I had zero real compassion for him, and really very little real compassion for myself. It was November when all my walls crumbled and I was at the end of my wits. All I wanted was… to leave this shit-show.
I had only massive resistance to that. Who wants to sit in silence, trying not to think about anything, while that monkey mind inside goes fucking batshit?? But, Io and behold, I was humble enough to open some doors in my mind and, well, just tried. And kept trying. As if a part of me knew that I had found the key to the door of healing. That I could put some space between my usually racing thoughts. So I discovered, over the next few months, that I could, in fact, hold space for myself, somewhere deep inside.
I discovered that in that space, I could make room for some of those intense waves of emotions I was so terrified of, and let them flow through me without drowning in them. Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Mark Twain. It meant that I lived like a victim and kept being dependent on his changing, his approval, and needing his love. With all this started my journey into self-inquiry and I learned something that was previously inconceivable for me:. I needed to love myself. I stopped delusioning myself that anger was the easier way out and started to learn about different ways to work through some of that.
I simply wanted to start to get better. Work that is still in progress, quite obviously. I had to start somewhere, right? So, of course my dad came up. And finally I was courageous enough to let the gunk come up. And boy, it did come up. I felt my arms get warmer and warmer until the seemed explode with heat and I felt like I had turned into some human laser-beam ready to burn the sun. Anger, my friend, pure as it gets. Instead of running from it, like I used to do, I faced it. Let me tell you; in my imaginary carnage, not one gory detail was left out.
And then another feeling came up. I am so sorry! While I was crouching on the floor, whimpering, I kept thinking how ridiculous this whole scene would have to look if someone were to look in, but of course, there was no one. I was my own judge. This was the time to just ride with the wave and let go, so I just let myself cry for my father. The wave finally passed, and suddenly, I felt an inexplicable compassion well up inside me. In all of this broken-openness, I saw him differently and—talk about unexpected outcomes—felt love for him.
I understood that my father had his own story with his mother and he was carrying so much unprocessed shit with him that he was a victim himself. In the months to follow, my view of my dad started to shift. I began to see his own undigested story in his outbursts, absences, sarcastic remarks and his need to be right. I started to look for the boy he once was in his eyes.
And I saw that his way of being a father to me was the best he could do. It had never been about me being the wrong way or not good enough. He might never be able to express his love for me in a way the little girl inside me would want him to, but I know he loves me. What also happened after my anger-cleanse is that I ceased having any expectations towards him. I just let him be. Today, I am not afraid of him anymore, because I have established healthy boundaries for myself.
Love or not, no one said I have to put up with all of his moods, or that I have to like him all the time. It works just fine. Da ich aber eine ehrliche Antwort geben will, nehme ich meinen Vater als Beispiel. Mein Vater. Der Mann, der schon vor meiner Geburt einen Abgang gemacht hatte. Also glorifizierte ich ihn. Der massive Silberring, den er trug. Seine elegante Handschrift. Der Geruch seines Aftershaves Chanel Antaeus. Seine trendy rote Rundbrille… Seufz.
Ich war im Himmel. Ohhhhgottohgott, all meine Freunde an einem Ort! Meine Seele tat, was jede Kinderseele tut; sie speichert sowas ab unter: Das muss an mir liegen. Ich war ein unwillkommener Gast. Ich war quasi seine Erfolgsgeschichte. Ich schwor, eines Tages auf seinem Grab zu tanzen. Er vergisst sogar meinen Geburtstag. Ein kaltherziges, ignorantes, narzisstisches Arschloch. Logisch, oder? So einfach kam der mir nicht davon.
Ganz tief in mir wollte ich nur eins. Seine Anerkennung. Heute liebe ich diesen knorrigen Menschen. Und er ist immer noch der Gleiche. Und heute weiss ich auch, warum es so furchtbar lange gedauert hat, bis ich ihm wirklich vergeben konnte: Ich hatte versucht, ihm gedanklich zu vergeben. Ich hatte versucht, ihm mit Affirmationen zu vergeben. Es war eine sehr kopfige Angelegenheit und es war haufenweise Schwarz-Weiss-Denken und seeeehr wenig Emotion mit im Spiel.
Das war im November Und weiterzuversuchen. Ich zog mir die Videos von zig verschiedenen Meditationslehrern rein, die alle—in leicht anderen Worten—von einer Tatsache redeten, die mir so jenseits vorkam, dass ich es zuerst nicht recht glauben konnte:. Wie bitte? Meine Gedanken und ich sind nicht eins? Das machte mir eigenartig Mut. In der gleichen Zeit begann es mir auch einzuleuchten, dass es nur mir selber zusetzte, einen Groll so lange mit mir herumzutragen— ich trug ihn ja mit mir herum! Siddhartha Gautama. Mit all dem startete meinen Weg, mich selbst zu hinterfragen.
Dabei lernte ich etwas, was mir vorher nicht erschlossen war:. Ich musste anfangen, mich selber lieben zu lernen. Und ich wusste, dass ich verdammt viel Arbeit vor mir hatte. Arbeit, die offensichtlich bis heute andauert. Aber ich musste ja irgendwo anfangen, nicht? Was er getan hatte, gesagt hatte, nicht getan hatte und nicht gesagt hatte. Alles auf Papier. Und dann war ich endlich mutig genug, den ganzen stinkenden Emotionshaufen hochkommen zu lassen. Und Mannomann, kam der hoch.
Wut, meine Freunde, blanke Wut. Von ganz tief unten stieg das Gift auf, das nur eines wollte: ihm alles doppelt und dreifach heimzuzahlen. Es tut mir so leid! Aber da war niemand. Jetzt war die Zeit, mit der Welle echter Traurigkeit mitzuschwimmen, und sie ziehen zu lassen. Also liess ich mich weinen und nach meinem Vater rufen.
In all der Aufgebrochenheit meines Herzens sah ich ihn zum ersten Mal anders und—hat da einer von unerwarteten Resultaten geredet? Ich begann den Jungen in seinen Augen zu sehen. Ich liess ihn einfach sein. Funktioniert bestens. Wenn es schwierig wird, denke ich wieder an den Jungen, den er einmal war.
Du bist ein guter Kerl. From what?? You seem to forget just how many calories you ate yesterday evening! Other people have been up for hours , —and guess who has already finished their cardio session by now?
Dies und Das und Allerlei
Clearly, you need to be controlled. May I remind you, you are currently not working and other people would lick their fingers to have your problems! I mean, really. The trauma-therapy? The back-surgery-recovery? You DID take days off. In fact, after your back surgery last December you hardly moved for a few days, right there.
But my hormones are still completely out of whack… Which is a direct result of too much exercise. It might just as well be because of your messed-up way of eating you seem to be unable to change. Do you want to be laughed at again? Lots of exercise and—if only once a day—a gloriously big meal. I mean, before the surgery, 2 hours of daily cardio were your minimum. Honestly, you should be glad to have me around for damage control! So, go figure. Du scheinst zu vergessen, wie viele Kalorien du gestern Abend wieder verschlungen hast! Andere Leute sind schon seit Stunden auf den Beinen… —und rate mal, wer sein Ausdauertraining schon hinter sich gebracht hat?
Nicht du. Im Gegenteil… —angemessene Erholung sei wichtig. Ganz offensichtlich geht ohne meine Kontrolle gar nichts hier. Ich meine, echt. Die Traumatherapie? MIT Unterbruch. Aber mein Hormonhaushalt ist immer noch total aus der Bahn. Das passiert, wenn man zu viel Sport treibt. Da waren wir schon mal, oder? Willst du wieder ausgelacht werden? Und da du ja keine kleinen Portionen essen kannst, musst du halt den Preis bezahlen.
Viel Sport und—halt nur einmal am Tag—schlemmen. Es gibt nichts zu jammern. Gibt man dir frei, kippst du gleich ins andere Extrem. Dann isst du nur noch und verschenkst deine Trainingsschuhe. Geht nicht. Darf ich dich daran erinnern, dass du zuvor noch minimum 2 Stunden Ausdauersport pro Tag durchgezogen hast? Das magst du ja heutzutage nicht mal mehr. Und zugenommen hast du auch. Vielleicht bist du halt einfach nicht so liebenswert. Darum musst du das halt optisch wettmachen. Du kannst nicht alles haben. Ach, und 42 bist du auch. Und jetzt stell dich in deine Turnschuhe und tu was.
Bin ich die Einzige? Ich glaube nicht. Als du vor fast 30 Jahren gestorben bist, war ich erst ein Teenager. Weg von dir zu sein. Hoffentlich ist es nichts Schlimmes. Alles was ich wollte waren ganz viele gute Noten um dich—einmal in meinem Leben— stolz zu machen. Und ich wusste, dass etwas furchtbar schief gelaufen sein musste. Das allererste war unermessliche Erleichterung. Aber ich war nicht geschockt weil du gestorben warst. Vor lauter Angst und Schock fing ich an zu weinen. Vor fast 30 Jahren, Mama.
In all dieser Zeit war mein Herz geschlossen und mein Kopf erinnerte mich immer wieder an die schlimmen Dinge, die vorgefallen waren… Deine Unberechenbarkeit. Dein Alkoholproblem. Deine erbarmungslose Routine, mich jeden Morgen auf die Waage zu stellen. Dein Um-dich-schmeissen von Esswaren. Dein Blossstellen aller meiner Fehler vor anderen Leuten. Deine Drohungen, dir das Leben zu nehmen. Deine jenseitigen Erwartungen an mich. Ich wusste, dass ich nicht weiterleben konnte so.
So viel zu viel. Ich war mir ja deine Stimme gewohnt. Da bin ich dran. Ich beginne, mich selber kennenzulernen.
Mama, wenn du irgendwo da draussen bist, wisse eines: Ich liebe dich auch. Ich bin dankbar, deine Tochter zu sein. I spent more time on this earth without you than with you. When you died, almost 30 years ago, I was just a teenager. And I while I hated the place I was at, I was eager to finally be away from home. Be away from you. I felt safe for the first time. I clearly remember that morning when I was called out of French grammar class to go see the headmaster in his office. All I wanted was to get good grades in order to—for once in my life—make you proud. All I wanted was—for once in my life—to hear you say that I was enough for you.
Across from the headmaster, there sat sat your guy. And I knew something was awfully wrong. In this second, a million feelings happened all at once. The initial one was a sense of tremendous relief. It felt as if a ton of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders. Right on the heel of that relief came a paralyzing sense of guilt. What kind of a terrible daughter am I? I was shocked because I feared that he would take me with him, that I would be made to leave the boarding home. Out of fear and shock, I started crying. And I begged the headmaster to stay. Soon after, your guy left — with a hateful look in his eyes.
During all this time, my heart was closed and my mind was quick to remind me of all the terrible things that happened… Your unpredictability. Your drinking. Your belying everything to the outside world. Your blaming me for your unhappiness. Your shaming me for the way I looked. Your weighing me every morning. Your throwing food at me. Your exposing me for all of my mistakes in front of other people.
Your way of falling asleep with your cigarette on and causing fires. Your punishing me for saving your life. Your threats to take your own life. Your utter disregard for my feelings. Your merciless expectations. Your not letting me be myself, let alone a kid. Up until your death, I was sure that I wanted to leave this world. It was too much.
It was much too much for me, Mama. After your death, I felt relieved, finally free to live my life. That felt better—safer—than to trust anyone. Up until a few years ago, I never knew that there were so many unprocessed feelings hidden in my subconscious. It was just normalcy for me. I was used to your voice, your diets. So I kept on doing that: Yelling at myself for mistakes, and trying to become thinner at all costs. Only after all of that took a very dark turn and the walls I had put up around me started to crumble, it became clear that, at my core, I had been standing on sand all along.
It was only after my breakdown that I could finally start to feel and that I could start—ever so slowly—building a more solid foundation to stand on. I am in the process of doing that. And as I cried, my heart started opening. In an instant, I just knew that even if you could never show me, you must have loved me. Schon macht die Badesaison keinen richtigen Spass mehr.
Hat die Menschheit den Verstand verloren? Also, wieso? Und Werbung? UND dann sind sie noch gephotoshoppt. Wer bleibt da schon immun dagegen. Das ist eine verdammte Menge Geld. Den ganzen Tag nichts essen, nur abends. Keine Ausnahmen. Schwindel vor Hunger. Unausweichlich die Essattacken.
Das willst du nicht. In Wahrheit sind wir nicht gemacht, um alle gleich auszusehen. Genau so, wie kein Apfelbaum dem anderen gleicht, und jeder Apfelbaum ein kleines Wunder ist, ist es auch bei uns. Summer peeks around the corner and — bam! They take all the fun out of the bathing season, right? And as the proverbial donkey, we start going after it.
I mean, seriously.
Has humanity lost its mind? But because most of us bought into this crap, we have obediently started to go after that carrot dangling in front of our noses. So, why? We are literally being bombarded by the message that, we can ALL look like that, and that we better get our damned asses moving if we want to be accepted in society.
From cars to breakfast cereal, from travel companies to cat food, from headache medicine to contact lenses; the men and women we see make up the very smallest percentage of the general population. How could anyone be immune to that? In the US alone, the diet-industry is making 60 billion Dollars off of our body-shame. That, my friends, is a fucking lot of money. So if you belong to those few who went unfazed by all that toxicity, tell me how you do it! I was one of believers. Restricting food all day, only eating dinner. No exceptions for 8 years straight.
Brainfog from hunger. Inevitable binge-eating attacks. Punishing exercise routines daily, for 8 years straight that drove me into the ground. Mind you, people applauded me for it. And since we are leading examples, girls start to go after that dream-body at ever younger ages. There is hungering, joyless-to-compulsively restrictive eating, obsessive exercising, in many cases vomiting at which I—thank GOD—never had any success , dreaming of cosmetic surgery.
Everything; just to be skinny.